Counting Loaves
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Two weeks ago I was stocking our pantry in preparation for a massive ice storm. I move at a slower pace in life and so I gave myself ample time to prepare mentally and physically for the unknown that a storm can bring. I baked several loaves of bread and of course more batches of muffins than I care to share! I prepped meals that were easy to store and lasting even if the power should go out. I was ready and my little pantry looked like a mini grocery store with everything neatly tucked in place.
After my final loaf of bread came safely out of the oven, I counted my loaves of freshly baked goodness and gave myself a little victory dance as contingent peace settled in me. A few moments later the storm hit, and shortly after its rude arrival, the power went out…and would remain out for the next four days — a lengthier time frame than my preparations had considered.
During this time of waiting and praying for the lamps to flicker back on all around us…my children thrived! Flashlights in little hands cast dancing beams of light throughout the home, and while the storm raged on in the bitter cold…warm life was still glowing. My children weren’t concerned with whether or not they would be cared for — no they were content and at peace despite having been stripped of the comforts they were accustomed to. No electricity - no movies - no running water - no outside play - and more importantly - no dinosaur shaped nuggets!
Why weren’t they complaining? How could they be at peace? Where was all of this joy coming from?
In short, they knew we would tend to their needs. We didn’t stop the storm or give them all they wanted…but we wrapped them in blankets by the fire, filled their tummies and never left them alone in the dark.
Oh I do so love when I look at my children and feel the gaze of my Heavenly Father rest on me…almost as if He wants me to know that the feelings I have for them, as there mother, is a reflection from the Devine well I was drawn from. I am His and He adores me this much and more than I can fathom.
But do I allow the light to dance on the walls that surround me? The light that says, “the storm may be raging but my Father is here with me so I shall not fear — but rather rejoice and be glad in it!”
Unfortunately I don’t always. But very much thankfully…I am recognizing the need to. If I look back to the moments before the storm, I was counting my loaves…not looking for Him. Did God condemn me for this misstep? No, He is gracious and patient. But His dear Holy Spirit did remind me with a gentle whisper as I read His scriptures.
Let’s go there friends and let the living word speak.
In Mark 6:34-44 we read…
When he [that is Jesus] went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. And he began to teach them many things. And when it grew late, his disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the hour is now late. Send them away to go into the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.”
But he answered them, “You give them something to eat.” And they said to him, “Shall we go and buy two hundred denarii worth of bread and give it to them to eat?” And he said to them, “How many loaves do you have? Go and see.” And when they had found out, they said, “Five, and two fish.” Then he commanded them all to sit down in groups on the green grass. So they sat down in groups, by hundreds and by fifties. And taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing and broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples to set before the people. And he divided the two fish among them all. And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up twelve baskets full of broken pieces and of the fish. And those who ate the loaves were five thousand men.
Now let’s journey just two chapters later in Mark, and we find the story of when Jesus feeds four thousand people.
It is believed that while these accounts are found near one another in the Bible, they occurred about 6 months apart since the first miracle occurred near Passover in the spring and the second took place after a circuitous journey through Gentile regions. While months apart, the stories land in very mirrored patterns.
Just as with the five thousand, Jesus has compassion for a crowd of hungry people who have been following him… we read in Mark 8:4-9
And his disciples answered him, “How can one feed these people with bread here in this desolate place?” And he asked them, “How many loaves do you have?” They said, “Seven.” And he directed the crowd to sit down on the ground. And he took the seven loaves, and having given thanks, he broke them and gave them to his disciples to set before the people; and they set them before the crowd. And they had a few small fish. And having blessed them, he said that these also should be set before them. And they ate and were satisfied. And they took up the broken pieces left over, seven baskets full. And there were about four thousand people. And he sent them away.
Wow…if that story or the one prior has been watered down because you’ve heard them told so many times in Sunday school…open your Bible and ask God to fill the pages with all of the rich detail they deserve.
Jesus broke what man could muster
and multiplied it for thousands.
Now we have one more passage to look at — and this one occurs shortly after the last. For after feeding the four thousand, Jesus and his disciples immediately board a boat and journey to a new place. They spend very little time here — and if you want to know more I encourage you to open and follow along in your Bible ;) After they leave and are making their way to the other side of the Sea of Galilea, the disciples realized they had only one loaf of bread with them…thirteen men and one loaf…as a bread baker I can understand their concern as I myself have to make two loaves at a time to feed one man and two boys…but I digress and let’s pick up in Mark 8:16-21
And they began discussing with one another the fact that they had no bread. And Jesus, aware of this, said to them, “Why are you discussing the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Having eyes do you not see, and having ears do you not hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?” They said to him, “Twelve.” “And the seven for the four thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?” And they said to him, “Seven.” And he said to them, “Do you not yet understand?”
I remember reading this and thinking I’m with Jesus here - y’all are ridiculous! Were they not paying attention as he broke bread and they themselves passed it out to FIVE thousand and then FOUR thousand people? They witnessed it…they saw the crowds…they placed the bread in the hands…I mean c’mon what are they even…
Oh but then the gentle whisper returned and I didn’t see the disciples with question in their eyes…no I saw me…standing in my pantry counting loaves.
Am I being critical of my desire to steward well the time I had to prepare wisely for my family? No, of course not. Do I recognize that the only way I was allowing my heart to be at peace was if I saw ample prosperity? Yes. And that is what God is pruning from me. And I hope that in this sharing, through the reading and as we are reaching for more…we will all recognize in ourselves what needs to go or better yet…what needs to be placed in the hands of our Father, trusting Him like the good Father He is, knowing He will care for us.
“Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”
Mark 10:15
Jesus spoke those words. But why does Jesus want us to be like children? Aren’t children wild, loud and lack discernment? Aren’t we meant to be “wiser than serpents” (Matthew 10:16)? I believe Jesus was speaking more to how children innately trust their earthly fathers. I also think he was possibly acknowledging how children respond when given something…and I love how GotQuestions.org shines a light on this:
“How does a child receive a gift? With openness, honesty, and unbridled joy. That type of happy authenticity should be a hallmark of our faith as we receive God’s gift in Christ.”
Unbridled joy. Give a kid a flashlight - and even during an ice storm - you will witness unbridled joy. But my hope is that you will take what you hold, the meager amount you were able to muster, and hand it to Jesus… allow him to break it as he did for the five thousand and then the four thousand more…and then watch closely to see what happens next. The disciples felt the broken bread in their hands and then experienced how satisfying it was when their bellies were full — yet even they forgot when they felt need again.
Trust your Father who loves you so…stop counting...pass Him the one loaf, or the many, that you hold…and then, like a child, turn on your flashlight.
