The Wise Gatekeeper
Click below to listen to the reach:
Recently Maggie and I were enjoying a day together and a most interesting topic emerged. In the midst of our talk Maggie said, “Mom, that’s a reach. You’ve got to write it.” And so — here we go.
Do you know someone who is imperfect and it shows? (For me, that answer is found in the mirror — go ahead, please grin with me.) Their “rough side” is dragging and they’ve quit trying to hide it? But in the midst of the messiness of the life they are wading through, they have chosen to be real and honest, vulnerable and unhidden. Not drawing attention to themselves, but instead just honest in their seeking of the good way.
They’ve had enough of pretense and performance. Instead, they are willing to search out who GOD created them to be, and they’ve come to love the journey with HIM.
Maggie was sharing about a dear friend who is facing challenges. Big challenges. And this friend is working diligently to face obstacles honestly. To seek Godly guidance, talk with others who have passed through similar situations in God-honoring ways, and to ask for sincere prayer cover. God-honoring ways is in bold print because it is crucial to find someone who will encourage in His ways; it is warping to listen to someone who is not following God’s good ways.
Our conversation found itself on this track because Maggie and I both are having many of these conversations of late — with good people facing hard situations — who are choosing not to hide — who are not wanting to be alone. There is a surge of souls choosing carefully how they want to navigate their unexpected valley seasons.
Our conversation felt like Jesus breathed into the space; His goodness saturated the air.
Conversely…
Do you know someone who keeps themselves at arms distance. A person who hides their real selves because they so desperately need to look a certain way, so they can feel a certain way about themselves.
Brennan Manning, one of my favorite authors, calls them imposters. Imposters are people living with, what he calls, the imposter syndrome. They know that the person they are presenting to everyone around them is not actually who they really are. But they fear that if they let others see them, the real them, that no one will like/want/accept them and they will find themselves alone. So they live veiled, not vulnerable. But the tragedy of living as an imposter, is that in the strangest sort of way, they are actually perpetuating their own aloneness — since the person they present themselves to be is not who they really, really are. So while they might be surrounded by friends and admirers at times, it’s all a facade… it’s not actually real. They are not known; they manage carefully what others know about them. But, they forget, you can only have an authentic relationship with an authentic person.
Sometimes they have lived this way for so long, they have lost themselves in their own room of mirrors.
They work so hard to be seen in such picturesque ways — but they are not, in truth, the “person” they present themselves to be. And all too often, it is that person, who is causing so much confusion and bringing so many challenges to others.
Oh but the freedom that comes when a soul has had enough of the pretentious way and they lay their fake self down. They want the imposter exposed. They are weary from the weight of trying so hard to be something they know they are not. They want what is good to grow because they have finally faced the results of their “I’ll do it my way” kind of life.
In our conversation, I shared with Maggie —
That when we find ourselves talking with someone who is refusing the Imposter Syndrome, someone like her friend, someone who is being real, authentic, and honest about themselves and their life — someone who is wanting what is good and right, excellent and honoring to God — then we can know our job is to give them a space of grace to let God do what HE is working to do. Listen for the heart of that person, pray as they talk, and let them process their thoughts out loud in a space we find we have the capacity to give them. We can offer them “green pastures beside still waters” because we live in that pasture and drink from those waters. We can invite them to rest as they clean out their soul-hurts.
They are not trying to make it about themselves —
they are seeking the way out of the wilderness.
They hide nothing.
They protect nothing.
They want what is best.
They want the good way.
The ancient path.
Imagine it for a moment.
The Good Shepherd has brought you to green pastures with pure, still waters…and you see someone passing by your gate. They call out to you. They are covered in mud and can hardly see for the dirt drizzling down into their eyes. Do you ignore them and roll over in your luscious green pasture? No. Do you immediately invite them in. Umm, not so fast.
If you have nurtured the Jesus way within yourself, you will want to immediately run to them — however if you have grown God’s wisdom inside you, you will ask HIM first.
For the appearance of a person should not be out guide.
Remember there are sheep who are sincere, but there are also wolves in sheep’s clothing. Appearances can be deceiving, words can be as well. We can not rely on our own thoughts. We must pray and ask the Shepherd. What would You have me do Lord?
For an imposter might be knocking at your gate, covered in the muddy slime of life, appearing as though they want to live in a better way, in the good way…but are they truly seeking still waters or are they just willing to muddy up yours?
Are they humble or blaming?
Are they vulnerable or vindictive?
Are they taking responsibility or pointing fingers?
Are they facing truth or feigning innocence?
It matters.
It’s the Imposter that we must watch out for. It’s not that they will try and hurt us (although some might). Instead it is that they will track their mud all over the green pasture place you welcome them into — and they have no intention at all of trying to live in better ways. They might leave you confused. Sadly, they might care more about having their way and carelessly rolling around in your green pasture. You’ll be wondering how it is that you can see their dire situation even when they seem unable to see it themselves. Your heart can ache for them. But you’ll soon realize you have absolutely no power to bring about the good changes that are needed. They’ll plow up your pasture even as you’re trying to help them find one for themselves.
This imposter is not looking to be helped. They are looking to continue their show of looking a certain way… even as the house of cards has tumbled all around them. They will use your time and wallow in your God-given space still carrying their muddy mess. All the while you could have been caring for an honest, seeking soul.
I realize it sounds hard-hearted and I am sorry for that. But please believe me when I say, it took years and some really good counseling, for me to finally get this tremendously important alignment set in my life. For indeed, I had spent too much time trying to help carry the weight of someone else’s struggles — only to find that I was working harder than they were. They didn’t actually want to change anything for themselves. It’s sad, but true, there are people who will use you. They will soak up the attention…only to then pour more “mud” over themselves.
Jesus guides us to
- love our neighbor (Matthew 22:39b)
- love our enemies, pray for our persecutors (Matthew 5:44)
- carry one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2)
The Word also guides us
- to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23)
- to walk with the wise (Proverbs 13:20),
- to not lean on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)
Remember that while David the shepherd protected the sheep in his pasture, he did not invite the bear or lion to live with them.
We must ask for God’s guidance, pray fervently, ask, “Is this one seeking a better way? Are they willing to follow Your way? Have You guided them to my gate? Has the Holy Spirit already begun moving their heart?” And pause long enough for HIM to GUIDE YOU. Don’t let their appearance be what drives your decision to respond to them. Let the One who can save them guide you.
There are dear souls who are done with the life of an imposter. They are sick of the places life has taken them. They desperately want a better life; they long to leave the mud holes and rest in green pastures beside still waters.
May we be ready to open our gates to them.
They need to feel the green grass under their weary feet — where each blade of grass is another strand of grace.
