Window Pains
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Twice a year I notice my windows. Those times are during the Springtime and the Autumn. In the spring I find myself longing for the cool, new greens that will tell me winter’s grays are soon to be only a memory and new life is about to burst out everywhere. In the Autumn I’m eagerly waiting for the slightest color change in the billions of leaves that are about to shed their summery greens and show their best.
Leaves fascinate me. Leaves fascinate most of us. If you want to travel to the famous places where colorful fall leaves take center stage, reservations are needed well in advance. And peaceful, mountain roads become traffic-jammed as city dwellers run to the hills to take in the show.
So each spring and each autumn I notice my windows the most.
Interestingly, I look out of my windows every, every day. Each morning we open the curtains in our bedroom, bathroom, sitting room… we welcome the day, inviting the outside light to flow inside. Each evening, well after dark has arrived, we close those curtains from sitting room to bedroom. We say goodnight to the day and tuck ourselves in for rest.
It’s a simple yet healing routine. Books have been written on the effects of light and darkness, circadian rhythms, melatonin release, sleep cycles and the health we gain when we allow our bodies to rest and wake with the dance of the sun and moon.
I look out my windows many times every day, always looking beyond them. But I only actually notice my windows twice a year. Spring and Fall.
I always want to wash them, inside and out, during those “noticings”. I want to see the show of nature. I want nothing to hinder the view of the fluttering leaves as they burst with new greens, and then when they dress their best in reds, yellows, and oranges.
Today, I cleaned my windows….anticipating….eagerly….waiting.
As I wiped away grandchildren handprints, fingerprints of those I love, dirt and dust that had attached to said handprints — I thought of the windows in my soul. That most important place from which I view the world, and people, and events, and understandings through. I look at leaves and mountains, deer and flowers through my physical windows. But I look at l-i-f-e through the windows of my soul. I look around my window panes to see what I can see outside…..
I look through my soul’s window pains to try and see what is needed, what is best, what can be better, what must be endured.
And I pondered as I prayed and heard that still small voice whispering in my heart, “Twice a year you get excited to clean your windows daughter. I watch you and I love how you eagerly let My creation in. You gaze at the animals I walk through your yard, the sun that rises over the mountain, the leaves that dance in the breeze I send, the colors I give as the leaves end their days. The dirt of the wind and rain coats the outside, the fingers of the grandchildren coat the inside. I see you clean it away. I know you want to see clearly what each new morning brings.
What of your soul daughter? Your vinegar water can’t be sprayed on what will coat your soul’s view. You can’t reach it with you white towels. What of your soul? How often do you pause the pace of life to truly clean the windows of your soul? When you get home to Heaven, nothing will ever make those soul-windows dingy — but while you are in this world, your soul’s windows need more care than the windows you are tending today. Do you clean the pains of your soul’s windows as carefully as you clean around the panes of your home’s windows?”
I sat down.
Like Jonah at the waters edge or Moses in the desert when he smelled smoke.
Oh, I know I’m not receiving God’s word to go to Nineveh or to “set my people free”. But scripture is clear in Hebrews 13:8, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” Jesus and God the Father and the Holy Spirit make up the fullness of the triune GOD. And so, this means that the God who spoke to Jonah and Moses is the same God who still speaks today. Lord help those who think He no longer speaks…for He does…in millions of ways….He still reaches for souls today. And so yes, even when He sees His daughter cleaning her windows, He speaks. I’ve learned the real question is — do we listen?
In the stillness. In the obedience. In the surrender of life…daily….He speaks.
If you can’t hear Him. Find a good mentor that can help you clean the windows of your soul and turn up the volume of His heartbeat.
I sat down when He asked me, “Do you clean your soul’s windows as carefully as you clean the windows of your home?”
I meditated on it, silently. And it came to me. He came through so clearly.
I clean my homes windows because I want to see beyond them. I want to see the details of creation, the light of the moon, and the sunrise of another day. I want to see new color, new life, new beginnings as flowers grow, and fawn’s spots fade.
So I must attentively clean the windows of my soul if I want to see beyond myself, my feelings, my hurts, my questions. What a terrible place it would be to be stuck within myself and unable to see beyond “me”. When the windows of our soul get dingy….truth gets dimmed…reality becomes slanted…..light fades….and that person thinks only about what makes sense to them, tucked behind darkened thoughts that get covered over with curtains of self.
Oh Lord….and in that place….depression, sadness, anxiety, and loneliness become the dust that coats it all.
“Do you clean your soul’s windows as carefully as you clean the windows of your home?” What a good question from such a good Father.
How do we begin to clean the windows of our soul?
For my home’s windows I use vinegar water…for our souls, His Holy Pages guide us.
“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.” ~Ezekiel 36:26-27
So, we must be willing to lay down our heart and its ways. We must be willing to let Him make us new as we walk in His ways and obey His guidance.
“Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord? And who shall stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to what is false and does not swear deceitfully.” ~Psalm 24:3-4
So, we must live with hearts that seek what is pure, hands that reach for what is good, set our mind on what is true (not false) and hold our tongues carefully.
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. “ ~Ephesians 2:8-9
So, we continually remember that we have done nothing that warrants the grace we have been shown. Our works are rags. His grace is unwarranted and undeserved. And yet, He gives it. He is that good.
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” ~Psalm139:23-24
So, we must be willing to let God search us, look deeply into us. He is the One who points out what is covering over the windows of our souls. He knows what keeps us from seeing what His heart longs to show us.
This is only the beginning….but it’s a good start.
It begins with being willing to “notice” that something is hindering our ability to see what needs to be cleaned in us. And then we must be willing to care enough to apply the cleansing words of His Word.
Ask Him. Be brave and just ask…. “Dear Father, are the windows of my soul keeping me from seeing what You want me to see?” Then wait, pause….maybe grab a clothe and clean a window or two in your home….and be willing to hear His heart for you.
Background music in audio by Nathan Nockels
